Cut 'n Paste

Where gratitude and sorrow meet...

Yesterday was one of those days, a day when grief weighed my spirit, so I hibernated from the world and leaned on my husband and faith to get me through the day.

Five years ago yesterday I heard words I've never heard before or since. It was five years ago that, during an appointment to investigate sharp abdominal pain, my Dr. told me that I was pregnant. Five years ago, on the same day I learned I was pregnant, I lost my child. The Cliff's Notes version is that I had an ectopic pregnancy that ruptured, very nearly killing me in the process. (There is a bit more detail here.) It is only by the grace of God, and timely medical intervention, that I am here today. For that, I am, as one would expect, thankful. But there are days when I feel it is both appropriate and cathartic to allow myself to grieve for the child I lost. Oh, how I wish things could have been different! I don't grieve for "a child", but I grieve for that child - the one I lost. While I don't understand the 'why', I thank the Lord that he has worked in my heart, and I can fully say "Thy will be done". As I pass this anniversary, though my heart hurts, I celebrate that for 5-7 weeks I was the Mother to a little soul who never got to breathe the air of this world, but who waits for me with my Heavenly Father and who someday I will meet. What a day that will be!

To those who, like me, lost a little one before you could hold him or her in your arms. I share your pain. I am one of you.

I love this man so much...

I'm one of those girls who has a husband who would rather do almost anything than have his photo taken. However, he reluctantly agreed to doing new family portraits with me when we were in Italy last month. Tiffany Kirchner-Dixon AKA The Fancy Farmgirl was the event photographer at "La Dolce Vita", the retreats I was co-hosting, and she kindly agreed to take some photos of Rick and I when he came to Italy in between the two retreats.

It had been 7 years since our previous 'real' photoshoot with a photographer so I will forever be greatful to Tiffany for capturing these images for us. I love Rick to distraction and LOVE having our relationship captured in images. And, while I can't claim that Rick had a miraculous about face and now likes having his photo taken, truth be told, Tiffany made the shoot fast and fun, and Rick didn't mind it! The only problem I have now is that I can't decide which to print for the house....what a great problem to have, eh?

Weekend plans...

 
(Image credits: Top left -Tablescape from 100 Layer Cake • News print: from Flickr (sorry could not link to source • 'The Best is yet to come' from Etsy • Bottom Right - Viva Terra Succulent Wreath)

I am a little giddy as today I will head out for my first solo adventure since my surgery ☺While I don't anticipate doing anything mind blowingly fun (post office, library and antique store), it will still be nice to regain a little bit of independence again.

On Saturday, our family here in Vancouver will be augmented by one as my Grandpa will be arriving from Toronto to live. His wife passed away about 2 weeks ago, and as my Dad is his last living child, he decided to move out here. I am really happy about it. It's been about 24 years since our family has had a Grandparent living in the same geographical area as us, and I can't wait to spend more time with him. We'll be welcoming him with a family dinner in the evening. Fun, Fun!

What exciting plans do you have planned for this weekend?

A few things to share...

 
Hi Friends! Wow, what a difference a week makes! As I write this on Sunday night, I am coming off a good week. Thank you SO much for the prayers and encouragement so many of you have sent my way! It looks like my incision has finally healed over, which is a relief. And I continue to become more and more mobile. My biggest complaint is that my abdomen area and right shoulder and elbow continue to be very irritated. I am really not sure how long that will last. I have been told that it is because of the amount of blood that pooled in my abdomen before the surgery that I continue to have these issues. But honestly, in the face of what is happening in so many countries around the world right now, I am indeed blessed.

In a bit of scrapbooking news, my friends at the Canadian Scrapbooker magazine asked me to share with you that they are hosting a giveaway and you're each invited to enter! Please check out this link, all the details are there for you.

Have a lovely day. ♥ And please enjoy these vintage envelopes...found via tumbler. (I couldn't find the source to credit it. If you know, please let me know and I will add it.)
 

An Update

(Photo Credit) 
Hi Friends, I wanted to share a quick update as I've had a few emails wondering how I'm doing. After seeing my doctors at the end of last week I have received some good and bad news. The bad is that a small portion of my incision has popped open. I found this news really discouraging. I thought I was getting better, KWIM? It's not the end of the world, but will result in a longer convalescence and as a result, I have had to postpone some of my upcoming teaching trips. The good is that despite this, they are happy with my progress. 

Emotionally this was not a great weekend for me. I was doing really good until Friday evening, then I started to feel sad, defeated and anxious. Saturday was pretty bad and ended up in a good sob session that evening. Sunday I was feeling better again. I guess that's the way it will be for a while...some days good, some days bad. I think that about 90% of the times I am dealing with the emotional end of what happened pretty well, and the other 10% of the time I struggle mightily.

We both continue to be so thankful for friends and family who are supporting us with love, notes of encouragement and prayers.

Hugs, C

Thank You

 
Dear Friends, Thank you seems so inadequate to express how deeply your words of comfort and encouragement have been appreciated by both Rick and myself.

I continue to heal well, and am finally off all painkillers which is good. There have been really good days where I am completely at peace with what happened, and moments when I cry for what could have been. Yet at the same time we are so thankful, as due to the rupture things could have had a very different outcome.  I suppose though, that my topsy-turvy emotions are a normal reaction to what happened.

After being off work all of last week, I will slowly be getting back into the swing of things this week and next. One of the nice things about working from home is that I can work from my easy chair and nap in between emails, LOL!

We appreciate the love, prayers and encouragement you have sent to us accross the internet. I intend to respond to each one of you who sent me lovely notes, but please be patient with me as my internet time will be limited each day!

Hugs!

Empty Arms

 
In all honesty, I am conflicted about sharing this post with you today. Typically I leave the difficulties of "real life" off my blog, and let it be a place to share inspiration and crafty things, but this past week has taken my husband and I on a wicked ride, and I really could use your prayers and support, so I hope you don't mind that I have decided to share my heart with you.

On Tuesday, Feb. 22, I went to a Doctor's appointment due to pain in my abdomen along with unusual bleeding. It was there that a pregnancy test confirmed that I was pregnant, which came as a complete shock. Many of our friends know that my husband and I have dearly wished to begin a family for many years, but the good Lord has had other plans for us. So this test result came out of left field. Due to the abdominal pain, I was scheduled for an emergency ultrasound as there was some concern that it was ectopic. Within 3 hours the blood work and ultrasound results were back. I was indeed between 5-7 weeks pregnant and it was most probable that it was ectopic. I was scheduled for urgent surgery that night, but they kept pushing the time back, and back and back. Finally they were ready for me, but  while I was in the surgical prep area, (most likely about 10 minutes before they wheeled me into the operating theatre) the ectopic ruptured causing massive internal bleeding, and of course, the loss of our little one.

I was in hospital until Saturday afternoon, and am now at home.

As you will no doubt understand, at this moment, I am incredibly grateful to my doctors and family (who have been my champions throughout this). But I am also sad for the loss of a baby who was dearly wanted. I have already received so much encouragement from friends who have walked similar roads, and have been leaning so heavily on my heavenly father for comfort. I would sincerely welcome your prayers during this time.

Merry Christmas!

  

Merry Christmas from Rick and I to you and yours...

Sick...

(Photo credit: Tumblr)
Well, my darling husband who became sick upon our return home from Bogota decided to share his cold with me and I have been battling the bug all week. ugh! So it's been a frustrating week.

Hopefully this weekend will cheer me up a bit as we are planning to have one of our nephews for a sleepover. I have a feeling that my hubby will be doing most of the care while I nurse my cold, but it should be fun irregardless. I hope that you and yours have a nice weekend too ☺

Olympic Fever!!

I will officially admit to having been struck by Olympic induced fever. For this past week I have submersed myself in Olympic coverage. I've been woefully neglecting this blog, my friends and 'real life' to tune into Olympic coverage on the TV or radio.  I have always enjoyed the Olympics, but with the games taking place in my hometown, I have become obsessed with them, LOL.  I hear that some of the world's press has been less than kind to our games, and while I have been embarrassed by a few of the glitches (can you say "where's the cauldron to light the flame?"), overall the sense of community, the kindness of people on the streets, the patriotism has been unlike anything I have ever been a part of or seen in my lifetime and it warms my heart. I have also shed more tears than I care to admit to for the athletes who have achieved personal bests and especially, as a proud Canadian, for the athletes who have {finally} given our country our first gold medals on home soil.

I have been delighted to attend 2 events so far...We didn't have tickets for anything leading up to the games, but my dad was given tickets to a women's curling event by a friend on Sunday and asked me to go with him to the match which was on Wed. morning. And then Rick and I were able to buy some men's curling tickets from a friend of my mom's. We attended that match yesterday (Thursday) morning - what fun (and Canada won both of the matches I watched!).

As I close out, here is the theme song for our Olympic games, sung by the same angel voiced girl who sang the Canadian National Anthem at the opening ceremony, Nikki Yanofsky. They play this song over and over on the TV here, and corny as it is, it has become so close to my heart as I embrace this Olympic experience.  Have you been enjoying the games?